Grigori Yuri Nikitin

William Einhander... he said that writing these things down will help relieve the pain of of the experiences. He said he wouldn't even read this but to just fill up the page with the trauma and then seal it in that envelope he gave me. If he only knew how powerful emotions really could be.

Soviet Russia, many people tell me that the Union collapsed but so many people still live by the rules they set down. Maybe the government just became so secretive and advanced that the other nations don't recognize it as a ruling body anymore. Probably not. Communism was beautiful and innocent and corruption warped it. Changed it. Tore away its flesh and changed it into something that should be feared. A horrid monster that was nothing like what it once was. Oh Mother Russia, you and I are one and the same.

Reactor 4 didn't malfunction. The secret tests we were running worked better than we ever dreamed. We punched a hole right though this world and into the one beyond. A secret passage through which we could shoot our missiles. The Capitalists would fear us. They would cower before us. No nuclear war would be had, only a short and efficient "idea war" leaving the population intact. Punish the guilty, spare the innocent. The path to victory , the door to the future, the final endgame.... the Hedge. This was the first time I saw my captor. The Queen of Shamakha, also called the golden cockerel, struck at us with speed no living thing could manage. Only Snegurochka and I survived. How I wish someone else was in my place.

Being dragged through the hedge is like nothing that can be described. Yes there was pain but it was pain unlike what any human can experience. The Thorns didn't just tear at the flesh and didn't just shatter the bone. Those wicked Thorns took whole swathes of being, flesh blood and soul, and removed them from existence. I ceased being human long before the True Fae could work their insidious ways upon me. No, the part that made me human was lost long before then in the Hedge.

But that isn't to say the True Fae didn't harm me. They just don't understand the pain we feel. I was changed into something that could both take care of and entertain a newly created baby. A nanny for the new Fae. The being I took care of was created by the Chernobyl incident and was like the very heart of the reactor.

The flowers in Arcadia are like nothing ever seen on this planet. They grow instantly and in such colors and fragrances that they could bring a grown man to tears or scare his hair white. The same can be said of the tumors the covered my body from the moment I arrived. Every night I excised dozens and became quite proficient in minor, and eventually major, surgeries.

My escape was questionable but it was the only chance I had. My master released me, intending for my ward to then claim me in some sort of Pledge loophole, but I attacked her and fled. I ran for hours or days through all of Arcadia and back through the Thorns. The things I saw were gorgeous and haunting and every single one saw me as a possession. I found my way back to our world and hoped that they couldn't follow. The world had changed somehow. I noticed that the horrors of faerie tales and nightmares were always lurking just out of sight. I would not let that stop me. My name was Grigorii.... or Yuri.... no it was Grigorii Yuri. But my last name was Nikitin. Yes, my name was Grigorii Yuri Nikitin. But Russians don't have middle names. No, I do. I am Grigorii Yuri Nikitin. And none of those Arcadian demons can take that away from me.

I was alone and fleeing and when I found human life I also found that I was radioactive. I can honestly say that radiation technology has become advanced. Someone in my condition should not have survived but Professor Einhander seems to have removed all but the faintest signs of radiation. William knows much and he always seems to look out for me. Like a father. I have craftily bound his words into a pledge so that he cannot lie to me. This ensures that he will not try and make a deal with the True Fae and sell me back into bondage. He has even contacted a sect of Interpol for me that works specifically with people like me to keep us safe. This Project Apogee seems like it will be the best move of my life.